T-26 days

I finally got my Navy Baby on Sunday...he's a beautiful blue betta fish with a cute (and modern) little fish tank. (I discovered you can put pictures in the back...picture of me and Ethan going in there? yup. :) ) Ethan got me him so I have him as a happy reminder when he's gone. But...tonight he's acting really weird. Mom moved him up into my room, and he was freaking out and at one point he even rammed himself TWICE into the fishtank loud enough that I could hear it from the bed...my sister and I think that it may have been trying to fight the objects around it so I moved them out of the way and we'll see what happens. If my Navy Baby dies I'll be really upset because I take good care of it and speak to it lots during the day. Ethan's MoMo lasted 2 years...Navy Baby better at least last for more than 3 days.

I'm struggling with Ethan leaving right now. Not like a "crying all the time" struggle, but a "I need more time with you...we should just move in together and not see anyone until you leave" struggle. He says it's hard for him...but I dunno, I don't really see him as being upset that there are only 26 days left. Wow...really? 26 days...I didn't realize that it was even that close. Lord, help me. I just look at happy couples getting engaged and married, and I just want that for myself. I don't have any guarantee of a future right now. Well, I do. I know that he loves me and I love him and we'll make it work..but right now I almost need a more tangible way of seeing that. I will miss him and he will be absent for so much in the next couple years that I don't know what to do. I guess hoping is good but there is only so much hope a girl can have.

"never give up on your dreams for going without dreams means going withot hope and going without hope means going without purpose"