After an emotion filled day, and crying, and yelling, and frustrations...I drove back to school and it hit me why everything is bothering me so much about this Navy thing.
I'm scared. I'm utterly and completely scared. I have no idea what's going to happen and I don't like that. It's always been like this for me...any time the future comes up, I panic. I tell people it's because I love plans and if I don't have a plan, I don't like it...but it's not true. I'm terrified of what's to come and whats going to happen. I don't like that there are no answers, and while I know I'm supposed to rely on God it's a little much for me right now. I know He has a plan for me, and it'll all work out but right now I can't see it and it scares me.
I don't like feeling like I have no control...I'm not a control-freak, but when it comes to my future I do like to know what may happen. The future is, and always has been, some foggy mysterious thing to me...and I'm terrified.
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