"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

'nuff said.

Jeremiah 29:11

After an emotion filled day, and crying, and yelling, and frustrations...I drove back to school and it hit me why everything is bothering me so much about this Navy thing.

I'm scared. I'm utterly and completely scared. I have no idea what's going to happen and I don't like that. It's always been like this for me...any time the future comes up, I panic. I tell people it's because I love plans and if I don't have a plan, I don't like it...but it's not true. I'm terrified of what's to come and whats going to happen. I don't like that there are no answers, and while I know I'm supposed to rely on God it's a little much for me right now. I know He has a plan for me, and it'll all work out but right now I can't see it and it scares me.

I don't like feeling like I have no control...I'm not a control-freak, but when it comes to my future I do like to know what may happen. The future is, and always has been, some foggy mysterious thing to me...and I'm terrified.

Hi

I've been ordered to post by midnight by Jordan, so I'm following orders. :)

This weekend has been pretty good, I spent friday night watching NCIS with Jordan before waking up Saturday and spending all day taking pictures with the love of my life. :)

Those pictures came out lovely, and I can't stop looking at them! Then Ethan and I fell asleep watching 3:10 to Yuma...haha

Today we had a study abroad meeting and it was exciting because it was just for the England students and it was cool to see wwho is going and what we're going to be doing. I'm supposed to have my top 5 places I wanna go up for Jordan to see, but I can't reallly think right now so I'll do that later. I'm just excited to go learn, but I'm worried we won't really have time to go places..or that I'll have money. I'm not making any money at my job right now, so...I dunno what I'm going to do. I wish I knew someone with a small job that I could get in on for just a couple months so I'm actually making money.

I fell on the steps today, and apparently I hit my head..but I don't remember that part. I was feeling nausous but I'm okay now..I just have like a bump on the back of my head...but it's time for bed. good night dear blog

Hi blog...I haven't talked to you in awhile.
Not much to really talk about, it's just been school. I mean, no one is really interested in reading about my school life. I'm not a very interesting person and I don't really have interesting things to say.

All I know is is this: I have 28 days left. 28 days. I don't think I can handle this. At all. I have 28 days to get in hugs, and kisses, and sweet moments, and laughs, and movies, and just quiet times holding each other's hands in before it's all gone for who knows how long. I didn't realize what I was signing up for when I fell in love with you...and now that I do, I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

NCIS = Love

So Ethan came over today and was kinda grumpy, but that's okay and I tried to make him happy. We watched Timeline and then it was time for dinner. He so kindly took me to Mellow Mushroom. Mm, mm, good! I love it soo much.

Then as we drove around for dessert I had the most brillant idea ever. I decided to fianlly introduce Ethan to another love of mine...the Cupcake Shoppe. Yes, that's right those brillant and delicious cupcakes with tall whips of buttercream -

OH MY GOD! This commercial just came on and a sexy voice started to sing to me...it was chocolate ice cream. New favorite commercial.

-Anyways. Even though he enjoyed his Pineapple Cherry Delight cupcake, he told me it wasn't worth three dollars. I think he's gone crazy in the head.

We made it back to the dorm and since we didn't have long before he left we sat down to watch TV. Guess what was on? Yes, NCIS. Did I make him watch it? Yes. Did he have to wait for a commercial so I could walk him out of the dorm? Yes. Am I silly? Yes. :)

Well now it's time to edit photos/work on Puppetry. Good night dear blog.

I feel like Dancin', Dancin', Dancin' the Night Away...

So yesterday:

Went to all my classes and met with the English advisor. She was kinda ridiculous...like I felt like I had no encouragement from her at all to be an English teacher. I understand I'm making the switch late so I'll have to work hard, but still! Not only that but it took her 3 weeks to finally arrange a meeting with me to which I showed up on time and she had apparently made another meeting and ran over into our time. I just didn't get a good vibe from her. She kind of treated me like a little kid. This could pend badly for me...

As for the rest of the day, it went pretty well. Modern was fun and I got to work on my Astronomy project before APO (which, I just finished said project...yay!) where we finished the invites. They look great. I met Ethan for dinner before we came back to my room to play videogames/get ready for Spring Formal.

The Formal was really fun...at first a little weird cause no one was doing anything. Ethan and I quickly examined the food and I found the chocolate covered strawberries. Score for me? I think so. Then finally we began to dance and it was soo much fun. I always have fun dancing with Ethan, but last night was just something extra...maybe cause I knew I may not get another one soon? I dunno what it was, but it was great fun. The DJ did a lot of great songs and it was just cool to see everyone out and having fun. Side note: Sheryl and Sara def. know how to dance. Anyways, we started to play blackjack (it was a Vegas theme) to take a quick break from dancing and the PROFESSIONAL dealer was sooo ridiculous. She would help the boys, aka cheat and tell them what her cards were, and then with us girls, not help us and cheat us of our money! At first she started taking my money when we tied when technically you're supposed to keep your money at a tie, you just don't gain any. But yet the guy at the end of the table wasn't loosing his as they tied. She was just ridiculous...I think she felt lonely and the boys made her feel young again? I dunno.

Then Ethan drove me back to school where sadly he couldn't spend the night. :( I got to sleep in till like 12:15, lovely, and now I'm doing homework waiting for him to get here. I'll see you later dear blog.

Quick Update

As I write this I'm sitting in Educational Psychology...tsk tsk?

Anways, Wednesday not much happened...I made it through all my clases and about died from the pollen...hate it. Then we had an ETC meeting which went well, I think, and we're solidfying the date for our staged readings. I also found out that we're NOT going to the reenactment this weekend. BOOO :(

Thursday was pretty crazy. I spent the first half doing homework/registering for classes...once I went to class at 2 though, everything was fast paced and right after each other. I got out of Yoga, ran to my car, picked someone up and then went all the way to GARNER to go to a Walmart. Why we went this far when there is one on Glenwood? idk, silly people. After spending 500 dollars on food we came back and set up the reception for the  ALD inductions. I ate so much ridiculous food I about *died*. Then I tried on my formal dress for LeGrande and Jordan and it still looks good. :) Then Jordan and I stayed up till 2am backing up some of her files because her hard drive is dying.

Well, that's caught you up dear blog...I'll blog later about today after there is more to say.

3 day week?

So today started off with a mad rush to get to a middle school for student observations. The campus email system had been down so I couldn't get to my email to check when I was supposed to be there and I thought it was set for 9:30am. When I got up at like 8:45 to get ready to go, I checked my email and I was supposed to be there at 9am!! Luckily, I called the teacher and he said it was okay and that he'd see me soon.

I loved observing the class! It was an ID severe class, but they were cute kids and it was fun to see how the teacher and his assistants worked with the students. One student, "Daniel", gained a special spot in my heart. He could not move his limbs on his own easily, but he was just adorable. And when he smiled or tracked the object with his eyes, my heart cheered for him! I was sad to have to leave and come back to school.

The pollen was horrible today! I couldn't breathe and was sniffling everywhere I went. Improv was fun and I actually found out I have the class off on Thursday...study time here I come! Today we focused on performing and not allowing mime into our dance at all. I think we did a pretty good job. Then English was interesting because a girl in front of me was using her computer and the picture on her desk-top was this naked man! (Luckily the picture cut off right at the right spot to where I didn't have to see his private parts, but still!) I was giggling so much over it with Julie-Kate that I think she noticed...she quickly changed her background to a white tree. But seriously, if you're going to have a picture of your naked, hairy boyfriend on your computer, then I think I'm allowed to giggle at you.

Yoga was nice and relaxing cause we just breathed today. My partner and I both fell asleep though, so that was intertaining. Then it was off to dinner with the lovely Jordan before induction rehearsal for Alpha Lamba Delta. Then, I sat on my butt all night doing homework...well...procrastinating doing homework. haha

I can't help but think that I only have 35 days left with Ethan...it seems like a lot but at the same time as we sit down and plan things...there is no time! I just have to get through the rest of school and exams and then I can spend all day, every day with him before he leaves. I love him *so* much, it'll be hard to say bye. I'll do my best and not cry in front of the MEPS gang, that way they won't tease him too much...I hope.

I keep thinking about our future, and all I can think about is how God really blessed us with this change of events. Ethan now is getting a hefty sum for a signing bonus, his saved up paid over-time hours, and the additional hours they had been not counting, and a small start of a retirement fund! God really took this situation of not knowing what was going to happen next and how we would afford it and is blessing us. Thanks so much for that God, I finally believe that we have a change at truly having the money to get engaged and married within the next couple years. I've also been blessed through this contract change in that now I know exactly where Ethan will be for his schooling. Instead of possibly being shipped to Florida or California, Ethan's gonna be in Charleston...so close to me! (I also now have an excuse to go see Charleston, ;] haha). God really is looking out for me, and it's time I started thanking him for that and started growing in Him again.

Well, it looks like I should sleep now so good night dear blog, I'll see you tomorrow.

All that I'm after is a Life full of Laughter, as long as that Laughter is with You

Today started out preeeetty rocky. Not gonna lie. But it ended up going pretty smoothly.

I started packing and got everything ready to go back to the dorm and then sat around waiting for a couple hours to see Ethan. Finally he showed up and we went and ran my errands like mailing CDs to Steven and then getting some pictures taken care of at Walmart. A quicker lunch at CiCi's Pizza before going to Game Stop to buy a game that they didn't have so then we went to Target. Then Ethan got a game from Brian's for me and I told him to take me home. Immediately.

After righting things I gathered my music and drove to Bible Study Fellowship, which was a nice evening. I was exhausted, but it was still nice to meet with the group and learn. Then it was off to school where I saw my most amazing suite (feels like room) mate. I took care of unpacking and making my To-Do list of the week and then now its time for bed.

I know it was a short blog today dear blog, but there is not much to say of today. Good night

What am I Supposed to do When the Best Part of me was Always you?

Yay Easter!! :)

After being up late I actually managed to get up on time and go to church, which was nice. I love seeing everyone dressed up in there Easter finery. Then Ethan and I helped clean up the church before rushing home for the yearly get-together. Dad and Mr. Barron hid the eggs (bad idea to ask Mr. Barron to help -> he's kinda crazy and good at hiding things) while Katie, Tim, Aaron, Ethan and I all waited to go fight over them.

I should note now that I *never* ever win. In years past I've been tackled and stolen from...I'm also not very observant.

Continuing on. So, they led us out one by one with our eyes closed and then released us all to go find the eggs. Everyone stayed in the front part of the back yard so I ran out to the back part to get a head start. I ran and looked everywhere and just started chucking eggs in the bucket. One, two, three, four and still more! I walked up and down the fence gathering them all before going back to the middle of the grass. Watching out for doggie poo I carefully examined the grass. Mr. Barron had hidden eggs under the cut grass piles!

Finally all 108 eggs were found and I had the most eggs out of them all! (Kt and Tim combined theirs for a totally of 40, but solo finds were like 20 each.) I had thirty eggs and 835 points. Who took first place? Yup, thats me. :) Then we had our traditional bidding war and I ended up winning SweatTart jelly beans, Perry the Platypus, Pockey, water ballons (fight on campus? oh yes), and some other fun things. Like play dough for Jordan and I to play with when stressed. :)

After a yummy lunch Ethan, Aaron, and I came upstairs to play Mario Cart. After loosing about 8 rounds (though I did have more points, just cause I kept quiet while they made lots of noise) we turned on the TV to watch Dirty Jobs. Instantly, I was asleep in Ethan's lap and he fell asleep too. Aaron was nice and didn't wake us up. :) Then again, he loves Dirty Jobs. :)

Then Ethan and I hung out after the Barrons had left before going to see How to Tame Your Dragon. Oh my gosh, it was sooo cute! I couldn't help but feel like a little kid again. I loved it, soo much. One of the dragons was soo much like our dog that it was ridiculous. I'm glad I got to see the movie with Ethan....he really is the best ever. Oh yea! He gave up his points to me (like...200-250 of them) to help me win Perry the Platypus. He's amazing and I love him so much. I can't wait for the day when we share the same last name.

Good night dear blog...

He's a Cute Little Lizard

I didn't sleep well last night because I kept hearing things and it scared me...that and I stayed up to watch "I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry." haha

Well then all morning my sister and I got the house ready for a surprise party for mom. It was a long morning but it was worth it. When it got down to the wire I ended up spilling water all over myself (dirty water) and had to go take a shower, so then I was downstairs and dad calls and was like "We'll be home in 30 minutes!" ...what!??! He had told us they'd be home at 3 so we told everyone else to get there at 2:30...but now he's gonna get there at 2:30? Well we ended up rushing through everything and calling people and telling them to come early. Luckily there was enough people there by the time mom and dad got home that it was a good surprise.

Mom paraded around in her disney stuff and everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves. We played Disney games and decorated the house like the 4 different parks at Disney World. And of course, we provided lots of food. Haha...good day

Then Ethan and I went to World Market where I tried some new Korean candy/snack! It was yummmmy. We also found my sister's birthday gift...speaking of which her and her boyfriend are now sleeping on the couch as I watch some TV show...

Tomorrow's Easter! Guess I should go get myself beautiful.

Jordan, I'm worried about you. Love you tons

Goodnight dear blog

May 12th

Well...today was a day of explosive news. But lets start with the beginning.

Ethan came over to the house and woke me up, which was cute...except for I banged my knee on the wall pretty hard. We lay around for awhile and that was really nice because I love just being able to lay around and relax with Ethan...he's the best thing to happen to me.

So then we left the house, it was a little awkward, and went towards Walmart so I could get a cardigan and stuff for Easter. When we got there Ethan got a text message from his recruiter. Apparently a Nuke job had just opened up and it was set to leave May 12. Yes, a full month earlier then when he was origionally gonna leave. So he asked me what I thought, and I told him not to take it just because of me.

So for the next 10 minutes we discussed it and fianlly it was decided that he was gonna take it. Which is good! He'd leave in May and finish in July so he would finsih his schooling about a semester before I do. That'll make it easier for the both of us to get through it. It also means he would be in Charleston, SC...much closer than Florida. And then his recruiter told us that he would get a $35,000 bonus for just finishing school. Pause...say what?!?! yea, that's right.

I actually handled it well..I cried for like a minute or two but after that it was okay. The biggest thing for me is that being at Ethan's graduation from bootcamp is the only thing he as ever asked me to do. And now I won't be there because of Studying Abroad. But...he said it's okay and that as long as I go to his graduation from Nuke School he'll forgive me. :) And then his mom said they'd put my pictures on a stick and carry me around at graduation to pretend I was there. :)

So then we got some delicious lunch and sat around before the church drama. It wasn't too bad, but like...really? Michael is a great lyricist and skit-writer...but full plays don't work for him. I lov emusic and theater but his is just ridiculous. I almost fell asleep several times. :/

Then Ethan and I watched NCIS...Love that show! And now it's time for bed because there will be lots to do in the morning before mom's surprise party!

Good night dear blog

"That looks like a beaver...oh wait it has to be a woodchuck!"

I know technically it's after midnight so it's Friday...but I haven't gone to sleep yet so it's still Thursday so this qualifies as my Thursday blog. Take that Jordan ;) haha

But today wasn't too bad. We did contact improv in dance and that was great fun. Julie-Kate and I were enjoying it as we fell...and fell...and fell some more...but it was just nice to start doing activities to build trust. What we had to do was be back to back and sit down halfway to the ground and then holding ourselves in the air, lay back against each other's legs by twisting around. Verrry complicated, at least to me. We got pretty close though! I think the height difference was hindering us, I mean...I am rather short so it makes it hard to do something like that because our bodies meet at different places.

Then English class was lovely, we watched Frankenstein. :) I had never seen the movie before (go ahead and gasp in surprise) and it was really enjoyable. Boo for little girls being murdered though. :( Then I somehow forgot to go to Yoga and ended up back in the room with Jordan. Haha. We just lay on the bed and took a nap without napping. It was nice to just relax before coming home for break because there is sooo much to do this weekend! I do know that Saturday will be well worth the work. :)

Then I met Ethan for ice cream on the way home form school and when he had left the DEP meeting. It was yummy and I actually ate a whole blizzard for once. I can't help but wish that the mall had a Disney store like the old one did...I would have liked to look at the Disney toys today. I'm in that litle kid-Disney mood.

NCIS is my love, haha. I watched like 3 episodes tonight and it was just nice to relax and do some homework. Did you know that we're not the only planet who has the Aurora Borealis? Yup, all 8 planets (and even some of the larger moons) have Aurora Borealis occuring on them too. There's your random fact of the day.

Now it's time for bed dear blog...Ethan comes early to wake me up for a walk. Good night dear blog, I'll see you tomorrow/tonight.

The Sun is a Mass of Incandescent Gas

Opps, didn't post yesterday...I let sleep get the best of me. So here's yesterday:

I actually woke up in time for Astronomy, which is good because we sang in there. What? You sing in astronomy? Oh yes...we do. See the link provided for the awesome song we sang. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JdWlSF195Y Trust me, you'll want to watch it...

And then the big news of the day came in...my friend who *just* 18 got engaged less than a month ago...and now on Friday she is moving to Kansas to get married with her fiance...yea. I'm okay with the marriage thing because they've been planning on getting married for years now. I'm just worried about her education cause she still hasn't gotten her high school diploma. She says she'll finish it there, an dI hope she does because when Tim leaves for his tour in Afghanastan, she's not gonn ahave an easy time getting a job without a diploma...I dunno. This is kind of causing a mini-uproar with our friends...but I know she'll be happy so I'm okay with that.

Then I modeled some more with Jordan and her sister. I took a lot of the pics and they didn't come out too badly I think. I was just in another world yesterday so I know it wasn't the best I could have done, but I was trying. Though my favorite shot is the one of Jordan at the end...

We saw The Last Song last night and it was wonderful. I admit, I did cry at one part, but it was sooo good. I feel like the plot was strong and of course, having a cute boy in the movie helps. Haha, I have this thing for good ol' Southern boys. Hince me dating Ethan ;) It was an amazing movie, so go see it. Now.

That's all for yesterday dear blog, I'm sure I'll see you sometime tonight.